Jennie Monon grew up in Scotland and spent several years working in human resources before a promotion brought her to Amsterdam. She now owns her own business, admires the sportiness of her fellow Amsterdamers, and would love to meet several famous Dutch athletes. 

How did you end up in the Netherlands?
I worked for the bank ING as their HR Director over in the UK for a number of years. They promoted me to the office in Amsterdam, so I ended up here through work. I left ING several years ago and now I’ve got my own coaching and celebrant business.

What has kept me here though is that I just love it, to be honest. I absolutely love my life here in Amsterdam. I don’t know if it’s a completely Dutch life, but it’s a very nice life. When things stopped with ING, there was no question that I was going back to the UK.

How do you describe yourself – an expat, lovepat, immigrant, international?
I started off as an expat when we moved here in 2007. I was definitely an expat and I loved the free housing, the schooling for the kids, and the 30% ruling. Who wouldn’t? It was all very attractive, but now I’m fully funding myself here in Amsterdam. I think of myself now as much more European than an expat or British person since I’ve been here for so long. I’m also the Chair of the Anglo Dutch Society, which is a business networking group for Dutch and English executives, so I also sort of think of myself as an international networker.

How long do you plan to stay?
Well, I’m going to stay for quite a while. I’ve been here for 17 years. My businesses are here and the basis for one of them is being a wedding celebrant who conducts the ceremonies in English. That’s my unique selling point. I don’t think I would be so original if I went back to the UK to be a celebrant as all the other celebrants are already working in English over there.

I want to be here for a bit longer. I can’t imagine that I’ll retire in the Netherlands because I can’t imagine being in an old folks home speaking poor Dutch. So I’ll probably go back to the UK eventually, but not for some time yet. 

Do you speak Dutch and how did you learn?
I don’t speak Dutch and I’m ashamed of that very much, having been here so long. I’ve been in every course. I’ve done online and I’ve done evening classes. Because I worked in English, never lived with a Dutch person, my children always spoke English with me, and I live in Amsterdam, I never got into the way of speaking Dutch. I’ve never ever had to.

It never comes up as an issue because of where I am. I think if I lived in a place like Zeeland, I’d be fluent in Dutch because everybody else would be speaking Dutch and would rightly expect it of me. Amsterdam is such an international community that I find the people who work in shops aren’t even speaking Dutch. They’re nearly always speaking English or another language first before they’ll speak Dutch.

I understand Dutch, but I never speak it. I used to try, but I’ve given up trying. Dutch people were often so helpful. They would hear me trying to speak Dutch and then help me by speaking English. [laughs]. They made it very easy for me to just not bother. There’s a bit of a backlash now, though. More people are keen for you to speak Dutch. I’ve been cleaning out stuff in my house and I decided to keep all of my Dutch books. I may yet have to learn it properly.

What’s your favourite Dutch thing?
I’ve got a very strange one. I like that the data that is held about me is all connected. The immigration system, the tax system, the town council, and everything is all lined up. I love that. I know that people, including many British people, don’t want that. They don’t want ID cards and to be recognised and known about, but I think it just makes life so much easier. We’ve got very sophisticated systems here that keep track of everybody.

I also love Dutch civil engineering. They’re fantastic at building things and doing complex road works. There will suddenly be a new bike path or even a bridge that you didn’t even know was being built. They’re also good at doing these things right the first time so they don’t have to come back and fix things! I think the Dutch are brilliant engineers.

How Dutch have you become?
I think I’m actually quite Dutch in some regards. I’m Scottish rather than English, so I’m quite like the Dutch in the sense of loving a bargain. The Dutch say the Scots are worse than them when it comes to money. I absolutely get so excited about the rubbish when it goes out onto the street and seeing others pick it up. I also go out and pick up bits of furniture, wine racks, or whatever the neighbours don’t want. It’s a great system.

I’ve been downsizing. During my recent clearout, I put my English books on the street just outside my front door with a sign that said ‘Please Help Yourself.’ There were maybe 50 or 60 books and they were all gone in about half an hour. I just love that. People recycle and reuse. They share their stuff with others. I’m quite Dutch in that regard.

But you’ve got to be careful about when you put stuff out. You have to do it on certain days in each area and the city will come and pick up whatever is left. If you break that rule, you really get the wrath of your neighbours. They’re very strict. I put a fridge-freezer out this week and did it on the right day, but the gemeente didn’t come and get it. I felt very guilty. I finally had to stick a note on it with the reference number from the city so people knew I hadn’t broken the rules.

Which three Dutch people (dead or alive) would you most like to meet?
Frank Rijkaard. I would love to have lunch with him. He was such an amazing footballer. I’m a big football fan and I admire him. I recently discovered he’s a neighbour and we sometimes walk our dogs at the same time. We say hello to one another, but I’d like to take it a step further and have a proper chat with him. I would love that.

Erik ten Hag. I’m a Manchester United season ticket holder and I just want to sit and have lunch with him so I can ask, ‘What are you doing, man?! This is a disaster!’ I go over regularly to watch their matches and people, knowing that I’m from the Netherlands, say, ‘What have you done?! Who have you given us?! He’s terrible!’ [Ten Hag was sacked after this interview took place.]

Fanny Blankers-Koen. What she achieved at the 1948 Olympics is just so incredible. The fact that she did it at 30 years old when she had a family, it’s almost unbelievable. Back when I was a young person in Scotland, it was hard not to laugh because ‘Fanny’ is a rude word in English. But when I grew up and learned her story, I found her so inspirational. I would love to meet her.

What’s your top tourist tip?
I always try to convince people to get out of Amsterdam. There’s so much to see and do here, but I like to celebrate the water when I have friends or family over. I try to get them out of Amsterdam and take a boat down the Vecht. I think it’s so beautiful to just hire a boat, have a picnic, and just putter down some of the less famous rivers outside of Amsterdam. It’s a lovely way to see the Netherlands.

Tell us something surprising you’ve found out about the Netherlands
I’m impressed with how much sport is part of the life here. Everything is about being fit, cycling, and the environment. It’s all about looking after yourself and where you are. I love that the Dutch cycle everywhere. They don’t take taxis and don’t drive. I didn’t know this until I came to live here. Everyone is slim and fit and good looking and mad about sport.

Padel is big here in Amsterdam and I’ve got friends who stay up until after midnight so they can log into the system and book a court the next week. It’s absolutely crazy. Some places only release dates ten days before, so you have to be in there one minute past twelve to get a booking. It’s amazing to me that they do this and will play a game at 10 o’clock at night, but I understand that’s how they fit it into their life. It’s absolutely fascinating for me to see how seriously people take being active and sportive.

I absolutely love the fact there’s so much outside eating and drinking culture on the streets in Amsterdam. People will even take their dining table and chairs from the house out onto the pavement and have their dinner there. They’ll just sit out on the street with a coffee and enjoy the sunshine. Maybe it’s because not too many people have gardens. When I first moved here, I went to someone’s house and we had lunch out on the pavement complete with a linen tablecloth and candelabra. I thought that was the funniest thing ever, but it’s now something that I love to do. 

If you had just 24 hours left in the Netherlands, what would you do?
Maybe it says something about me, but I would choose to sit on a terrace in Amsterdam, like at my favourite wine bar, drinking a Bobby’s gin and tonic. That’s how I would want to spend my last few hours here. That would be heaven for me.

You can learn more about Jennie’s work as a celebrant on the UKSOC website. 

Jennie Monon was talking to Brandon Hartley