Youp lets fly at a religious talkshow host possessed by the devil and an inconsistent mayor. He also explains why he won’t be working for a paper with an iffy past.

Were you as surprised as I was last Monday when Mr SBS Knevel did his utmost to squeeze tears from that nice boy and girl who had just lost their brother in the terrible air disaster?

That same evening he apologised on Twitter. According to SBS Knevel he had asked the wrong question. Asked the wrong question? He was drunk and possessed by the devil more like. Who in his right mind asks a girl what she thinks her brother’s body might look like after falling from an altitude of ten kilometres?

Answer

What sort of answer was he expecting? That his hair was probably a complete mess? That it is more than likely he lost both contact lenses? What could the dear girl say? She was too decent to get up and walk out, or throw a glass of water in the face of over-excited Christian oldie Knevel.

Talk about Dutch Deformed. Idiot Knevel apologised for that one question but of course the whole thing was of a cringeworthiness seldom surpassed on Dutch tv.

Thinking

I couldn’t help but wonder what the rest of the programme-makers had been thinking when they put this together. Surely there must have been at least one person among them who realised this was not a fit subject to air on tv?

Someone who actually finished journalism school and knew that grief is a personal thing that shouldn’t be touched with grubby religious paws? This sort of seediness belongs to the Telegraaf or Hart van Nederland, not the civilised public broadcaster EO purports to be.

Pastor

Why didn’t Knevel invite a pastor to explain to us in detail what goes through the good lord’s head when he arranges the demise of innocent people?

And why apologise on Twitter? Why not apologise at the start of the programme the next day? He could have said he was very sorry but he’d had a complete bloody black-out and couldn’t help talking total bollocks. At least he would have shown himself a Christian with balls.

Mayor

To tell you the truth I had expected something completely different in SBS Knevel that night. I was counting on a good grilling of The Hague mayor Jozias van Aartsen about why he closed down a beach club in Scheveningen because one of its customers was caught with a handful of xtc pills when other law breakers are given free reign.

A jolly Nazi salute here and there is no problem in Van Aartsen’s patch. So why penalise some seasonal drug use on the Zwarte Pad in Scheveningen? I sent Jozias Jacques Presser’s standard work on the persecution of the Jews during World War II for a leisurely read about how it all began, and ended, the last time around.

Surprise

But no, Knevel went for emotion, or the Telegraaf approach. It was an unpleasant surprise, just like the news that the Telegraaf will, in all likelihood, buy this paper. It seems there’s a bid on the table already. NRC turned it down but that’s part of the game. A couple of millions more and NRC Handelsblad will be in the hands of the paper with the shoutiest headlines.

Of course the editor will tell me that it’s just an administrative thing, that journalistic independence is completely guaranteed and that I can continue to write whatever like.

Bridge too far

And I will tell him that to have nasty gossip-monger Evert Santegoeds and his ilk as colleagues no matter how indirectly is a bridge too far for me. So if NRC Handelsblad is taken over by the Telegraaf I will be out of your hair.

And I trust there won’t be any need to justify my decision to anyone; not to SBS Knevel, not to Jozias van Aartsen and certainly not to myself. I wish this newspaper a splendid future but I won’t be part of it.

Youp van ‘t Hek is one of the Netherlands’ best-loved comedians and writers