D66 is a terrible name for a political party, says Greg Shapiro, who ran as a candidate for the party in the recent local elections.

[Part 3 in my continuing series ‘Part Time Hypocrite’]

The phone call came on a Sunday. It was a well-known Dutch politician named Jan. Would I be willing to help out with his campaign? I’d helped his party before. So I said ‘Sure.’ But now the question was: would I be willing to stand as a candidate? To that I said: ‘Are you crazy?’

The political party is D66. That stands for ‘Democrats of 1966,’ which is, frankly, a terrible name for a political party. Most political parties give you a hint of their ideology in the title: Labour, Socialists, etc. Not D66.

The joke goes like this: ‘If you do the Stemwijzer voting questionnaire and you answer “no opinion” to every question, the party you get is D66.’ At Boom Chicago, we updated the joke to be a bit more pragmatic: ‘D66: if you’ve got 66 seats in Parliament, we’re probably the extra 10.’

Spread the word

So why make me a candidate for D66? Jan the politician explained that they wanted someone to spread the word about their plans for bilingual education and to reach out to expats and internationals – in English. My position would be largely symbolic: I’d be Number 49 on the list. I asked: ‘How many seats are there on the whole city council?’ There are 45. I said okay.

I warned Jan the politician that I wouldn’t give up my job as a comedian. He said ‘Please don’t.’ Still, it was a shock when I tweeted a joke about Labour PvdA, and nu.nl reported it. They didn’t quote me as ‘Comedian Greg Shapiro.’ They quoted me as ‘D66 Amsterdam Candidate Greg Shapiro.’ Oops! I figured my political career had ended. I’d lasted about as long as a candidate named ‘Roger Childbiter.’

More jokes

I asked Jan if I should stop making jokes about the opposition. Jan said ‘If anything, make more jokes! That’s exactly the kind of joke I can’t get away with.’ So I got my anti-PvdA material ready. Luckily – as an Amsterdammer – it wasn’t hard:

‘Labour PvdA has been in power since 1946. That’s longer than the Communists have run China. Unlike the Chinese, PvdA is not so good with large infrastructure projects, like the Noord/Zuid Metro Line.

Remember the cathedral in Cologne that almost collapsed because the Germans were digging under it? Those are the guys they chose to dig under Amsterdam. No wonder it’s never finished. They’re German. They like digging holes in the sand. For them, it’s like the best trip to the beach ever.’

Frustration

I got to host a campaign event in a boxing ring they set up by Amsterdam Zuid. I vented my frustration at the budget deficit in Amsterdam: ‘No wonder the Labour party in Den Haag keeps scaring us about Eastern Europeans and petty crime and pickpockets – because they want to distract you from the ones who are really stealing from your pocket: PvdA. Where’s my money?’

Then came the English-language event. It was a city council debate with eight different parties represented for expats and internationals. At one point, someone asked ‘Which of you actually has any expats in the party? I stood up: ‘Hello!’ I was the only one. The candidate from Labour PvdA stated his rebuttal: ‘Some of my best friends are expats!’ Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

Then came the follow-up question: ‘Mr. Shapiro, you claim to be a real candidate. But if you would get more votes than the top of the list, would you be willing to actually serve on the city council?’ There it was: the question I’d hoped to avoid. Yet – at that moment – I felt confident. I said ‘If the people demand it.’

As it turns out, D66 unseated Labour as the largest party in Amsterdam. I’m glad I got to play a part. But will I get the call to serve on the city council?

Maybe once the Noord/Zuid Line is finished

Greg Shapiro is a comedian and author. His solo show ‘Superburger: the Man with Split Nationalities’ is at the MC Theater on June 12.

http://gregshapiro.nl/shows/superburger