Hanneke Sanou wonders exactly what goes on in Geert Wilders’ training classes for prospective MPs.

‘I have a close-knit group of people around me, and many volunteers. Every Saturday I can be found at the parliament building, training them,’ said Geert Wilders in the Volkskrant.
The thinking behind his personal involvement in the selection of the PVV crème de la crème was to avoid the sort of situation which did for the LPF. But Wilders is fishing in the same pond and he has been hauling up his share of rusty old stolen bikes and decaying mattresses.
What does his training consist of, one wonders.
It’s Saturday morning. The parliament building is deserted but for a small group of people sitting in the opposition benches while Wilders, for training purposes, has taken the prime minister’s chair. All have passed a sign saying ‘Please deposit any weapons or sharp object here’.
Wilders: Right, are we all here?
Volunteer 1: No, Mr Wilders, Brinkman’s not here yet.
Wilders: Not again…I wonder what’s keeping him. He really works too hard. (Sniggers from volunteers) Ok, we’ll have to start without him. What happened to you, Hernandez? Is that a black eye?
Hernandez: It’s nothing, Geert. I bumped into a door. But I would like to know how you would handle the following scenario, completely hypothetical of course. You’re in a bar and somebody calls you a fascist pig. Would you then be justified in head-butting that person?
Wilders: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, Hernandez. Although of course nobody should call you a fascist pig. It would certainly make me angry. Yes, Van Hemert?
Van Hemert: And it could cause a lot of psychological damage as well. If you called a child a fascist pig it would be entirely possible that it will eventually grow a little curly tail and start oinking.
Wilders: Mmmm, I can see how your psychology studies could come in useful in another cabinet. The ministry of the family perhaps.
Van Hemert (glowing): I’m ready, Geert!
Wilders: Now, I shouldn’t have to say this and I know most of you have stopped beating your wives but this party abhors violence. Violence is out.
Volunteer 2: Even when they drive you to it? You know when my wife starts needling me I could just..
Wilders (raising his voice): Even then. Now, is that understood?
All: Yes, Geert.
(Here Gidi Markuszower surreptitiously pats his pocket in which the outline of a gun can be vaguely discerned).
Wilders: Lucassen, I want a word with you in private. The rest of you, see you next week.
Hero Brinkman rushes in, dishevelled and slightly unsteady on his feet: Have we started yet?